well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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