I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
