I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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