It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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