I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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