Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
