We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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