you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
