I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
