I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
