"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
