She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
we're so committed to being not committed
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
