sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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