It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
this boner is exhausting
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
