For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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