I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think a kid would responsible me up
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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