i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
