Me. At least after what I've been through.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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