Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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