I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
