i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
