Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
In America we eat man semen.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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