K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Floor bacon is actually really good
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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