the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
