...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
