New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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