well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize