Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize