I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
