I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize