Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
