I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
