Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
