hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
