Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
