He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
