You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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