Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
