woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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