so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
