I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
