why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
