You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My liver just broke up with me...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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