I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You ruined the universe
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
