I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
