just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Drunk is a universal language darling
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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