remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
