Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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