Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
