im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize