Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize