Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
