I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
