Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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