JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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