I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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