New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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