it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
