One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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