No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
and she was petting her beer can
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize