Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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