Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize