i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
ugly people sure do ruin things
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
this is an emotional support booty call
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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