Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
