____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
