he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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