What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
