White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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