I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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