im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
